How To Lose A Wheelchair in 10 Days
by Balletgrl055
Summary: Erik stumbles upon a chatroom filled with phangirls, Raoul loves reading fanfiction, can Erik overcome the strange phangirls, or will he be doomed to be their puppy forever? Full of nondisgusting sweetness!
1. Chapter 1

**How To Lose A Wheelchair in Ten Days**

**Chapter One: Wanna Play a Game?**

"Wanna play a game?" I looked over and saw Nadir cleverly arching his eyebrow.

"Excuse me?" I asked patronizing him in the kindest way.

"A game." He repeated in the same tone that I had just spoken in. "A computer." He stylishly produced a foreign object and placed it in front of me. "I have been giving them out to my friends and I love watching the amusing results."

"What the hell is that?" I asked, pointedly staring at the lasso in my pocket.

"A com-put-er." Nadir repeated slowly. "I already explained to you years ago I forged a time machine forged out of cheese and biscuits. Geez Erik, get with the times." I opened my mouth to speak, but he swiftly interrupted me. "Shut yer mouth bitchizzle." Looking at my perfect expression of discontent, Nadir giggled and high-fived himself.

"Oh I love the lingo of the 21st Century. It makes everything so easy for me." Sighing happily, Nadir quickly broke out of his reverie, and handed me a pigeon with a bundle of papers attached to it's neck. "Here is a list of instructions that will make your life so much more amusing."

"Right." I answered slowly, pretending that I didn't notice that Nadir was hiding behind a huge candelabra. "All right, let's see here." I muttered perusing the papers in a non-committal matter. In five minutes I had the alleged 'computer' up and running, because clearly I am a sexy beast, (although I like to keep these thoughts on the inside). Browsing through the alleged 'web' I searched valiantly for something that would catch my interest.

"Psst." Nadir stage whispered across the lair. "Go to a Phantom based chatroom. Oh the tortures they teach!" He let out a new wave of giggles.

"Well sure, why not." I shrugged and easily found the alleged chatroom. "Hmm, make a username. how about just Erik?" I mumbled as my skeletal fingers adeptly passed over the alleged keyboard. "All right, and I'm in." I pronounced as there was some not so subtle sniggering from the corner.

_Welcome _**Erik**_ to chatroom 666. As in Lot 666. Get it? Do you get it?_

**MsDaae:** No! When Christine's dress straps kept falling down in PONR, it CLEARLY symbolized her vulnerability to the Phantom.

**MCrawfordness:** IT'S ERIK DOUCHEBAG!.

**Erik:** Oh god.

**GBphanatic:** Hey Erik! starts giggling uncontrollably Is Erik your Giggle real name? Squee MARSHMALLOWS!

**Erik:** Unfortunately yes.

**PhanPhrenzy:** LykE OMG! Ur nME IS LYke EriK? Lyke GbUTler Erik OMG I'm like SO HYPERVENTILATING...I love GerryBOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111

**GerryBoy:** Why thank you PhanPhrenzy.

**Erik:** You. all. are. sick. And who is this alleged Gerry Boy?

**FOpssuck: **WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHO GERARD BUTLER IS??

**MCrawfordness:** He sucks that's who he is! Viva la Crawford!

**MrsOG: **Sit down let me explain something so glorious to you that it will take hours...GERRIK IS SO LIKE HOTT AND STEAMY AND LET ME TELL YOU-

**Erik** _has just left the chatroom. Hastily might I add._

Now that was scary. I ran a shaky hand through my strand of luscious hair, and wondered what would happen if I sneezed.

"I don't think computers fit me. This is all too strange for my sophisticated sense of style." I thought out loud, waiting for Nadir to stage whisper something new. When nothing happened, I looked around, and noticed that Nadir had disappeared. "Yes." I nodded solemnly, and looked back at the computer and noticed that an alleged IM had popped up on the screen.

**SlashMe: **Hey, are you Erik as in ERIK?

Good God. Who are these people? SlashMe? I have to wonder about the sanity of these 21st Century people.

**Erik:** Yes, I am Erik.

**SlashMe: **Wow. Do you read fanfction? Or Phanphiction?

**Erik:** Good Lord, I can safely say no, because I have no idea what you are talking about.

**SlashMe:** In case you can't tell I'm chuckling right now. Click on this link! OHyouwilllovethis.

Well there can't be much harm in this. Clicking on the link, I eagerly devoured the words, until I actually read what was happening.

_Erik strode along his lair, power seeping from every inch of his body. He was a dominant virgin and Raoul knew it. Especially because he was tied up._

_"Take off my leather pants Erik." Raoul wheedled painfully. Grabbing Raoul's heart-shaped ass Erik heaved his aching, weeping man meat into Raoul's-_

Erik's computer suddenly had a lasso wrapped around it's monitor and it crashed to the ground.


	2. Chapter 2

**How To Lose A Wheelchair in Ten Days**

**Chapter Two**

"No, no!" Christine hastened to her husband's side, as he began hitting the computer violently.

"Raoul, what's the matter?" She inquired softly. "Did you go into another chatroom? I warned you about the people who lurk in those chatrooms." She shook her head sadly.

"But Christine, most of them think I'm the bad man. ME!" He squawked painfully. "Erik is the murderer on the rampage and I'm willing to talk to you about your feelings, I just don't get it." He hung his head, and Christine began petting his head softly.

"It's all right, it's all right." She placated him in a soothing voice. "You want some Dubonnet?" She asked in an hopeful tone, and was answered by Raoul shaking his head into her bosom. "Who's my little Vicomte?" She asked in a girlish tone. Raoul mumbled in reply. "Who's my little but big and tough Vicomte?" Christine stumbled at first on her words, but soon the words just flew by her eyes.

"I am!" Raoul pushed Christine off of him. "Aw, Christine you always know how to lift my liddle widdle spirit." They kissed briefly, and Raoul eagerly began browsing the net as Christine left him in peace. Hovering in the doorway, Christine looked off in the distance, anticipating the plot twist that was sure to occur. Looking around shiftily, making sure that Christine had truly vanished, Raoul opened up his new Instant Messenger box, and began typing furiously.

**SlashMe: **Back so soon Raoul?

**MonsieurBelle: **You know it Bob, now give me what I want.

**SlashMe:** Not before you give ME what I want!

**MonsieurBelle:** All right you little sicko, I'll send you a nude picture of Christine before the next full moon.

**SlashMe:** Oh the glory of it all! All right, here's your stupid fanfic. But I'm telling you, if you want to read some real stuff read some Voldie\Snape\Sirius.

Raoul pretended to be all confused and unknowing as he chortled to himself.

"Oh Voldie\Snape\Sirius, how I miss thee, what with all the bondage and leather and tumbleweeds." He allowed himself a reflective moment before jumping into a new fanfic.

_Christine tried to jump past Raoul, pleading with him, her chocolate brown eyes shimmered with tears._

_"I won't let you return to that monster, he's got you under his spell!" Raoul proclaimed loudly, blocking the door with his voluptuous body._

_"You're the monster!" Christine cried out in a triumphant tone rivaling that of Don Juan Triumphant's. "And a fool! Remember that time I told you I was pregnant?"_

_"Yes." Raoul said slowly, taking a swig of brandy angrily. "I mean that was yesterday."_

_"We haven't even had sex yet!" Christine blue eyes shone fiercely._

_"Consummate, Christine, we haven't consummated our love yet." Raoul shook his head sadly. "Wait a tick! You stupid wench like slut! I'll kill you! I'll beat you with franks and beans! But most of all! I like the way I move."_

_"Don't you touch me!" Christine waggled her brown curls in his direction. "I'm carrying a non defective baby!" Raoul rushed at her, and pushed her down on the bed, While beating her to a bloody pulp, and raping her graphically as he went. (Trust me) But wait, suddenly Erik appeared. Sexy, with a well toned body Erik, and he quickly killed Raoul in .2 seconds, his best time. _

_"It's ok Christine, I'm here." Erik caressed her blonde locks of love lovingly. Christine looked up at him and began singing,_

_"Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime."_

Raoul leaned back in his chair, while swirling a glass of 2 milk. "It's true! It's all true, and I love it!" He clutched at his sides, and wiped away the proverbial one tear that slid down his cheek.

Christine slid into the drawing room, and fingered a candle stick as Nadir emerged from the shadows with a hood pulled over his head.

"Are you ready?" He asked simply, and she nodded.

"Soon you'll be able to give yourself up to me in a strictly non-sexual way." He said in a solemn manner. "And once you walk out of here, there will be no returning." There was a moment of silence, then Christine began singing,

_"Past the point of no return, no backward glances!"_ Nadir watched as she swirled and shimmyed out of the room.

"I need a new protegee." He shook his head, and dissolved back into the shadows in a strictly sinister way.

A few days had passed, and Erik was at the point where he was hovering in-between madness and boredom, and instead of composing some music, he tentatively turned to his alleged computer. Sighing heavily, after a furtive look, he clicked into a new chatroom.

_Welcome back _**Erik**

**LittleLotte: **Oh Erik, don't stop.

**Erik:** What?

**DominantOG: **Hey, get the hell out of here, 'Erik', if that is your real name.

**LittleLotte:** Yea, you're kind of ruining the moment.

Good Lord, I don't want to know what these people are talking about. But, I seemingly can't just walk away.

**Erik:** I'll leave when I want to leave, bidizzle.

Note to self: Thank Nadir for the up to date insults.

**DominantOG: **Wait this could work to our advantage Christine. Two Eriks! Or at least to your advantage, you dirty whore.

**LittleLotte:** Oh god, yes I am! I'm a whore, I'm a whore, I'm a **_whore!_**

**DominantOG:** _Takes LittleLotte's legs, and separates them, and shoves Erik's-_

"No more computer." Erik shook his head, pale-faced and sweaty. Stiffening as he heard a noise, Erik was about to turn around, when he felt a sharp pain in his head, and everything went black.


End file.
